“Shelter in place” and “social distancing” is now the new normal. Back in January and February, I thought this would be nothing more than the Bird Flu or Swine Flu, and people were making a big deal out of nothing. I would never have guessed it would have turned into this, but here we are.

Like many, we canceled all of our vacations, we don’t stray too far from home, and we Zoom with our friends and family (Day likes it). Day and I had about a month off together before I had to go back to work (apparently I’m essential, which also means I’m a hero, everybody is a hero). Day however, remained home for awhile longer, making bread. Apparently everyone else was making bread as well, because Day couldn’t find flour or yeast anywhere. I didn’t really understand the hoarding.

A month home with Day was nice. We’d go for walks, got an early start on house projects and some yard work. I finally finished the pergola and stone steps for my deck. As did everyone, we tried to make the best out of a bad situation. 2020 however, just kept getting worse.

A global pandemic, travel bans, a horrible election year and riots fueled by racism, bigotry, hatred and ignorance. It’s all very surreal. Our home has been our refuge, and it was here, that I realized, 2020 has in some ways, been a blessing. I thoroughly enjoyed my home this year.

Day and I finished our deck in early spring. We hung flower baskets and hummingbird feeders, and of course, bought a new gas grill.

First of all, it’s just a beautiful space. It gets sun all day long, so it’s great for morning coffee, or dinner in the late afternoon sun. Day would be out there almost every morning with a coffee, our cat Lexi, and Pimsluer (practicing her Italian). The flower baskets and hummingbird feeders worked, making our deck that much more exciting. We were entertained by more hummingbirds this year than ever before. We’d see them all day long, all around the deck. At first, they were slow to come, but in a month or two, we’d see them 30, 40 or 50 times in a single Saturday or Sunday. If our cat was a bit younger, she may have enjoyed them as well, but instead, she’d just sleep in the sun.

Lexi is getting old, 21 years to be exact, and we’re going to need to put her down soon. She’s an indoor cat, so being outside on the deck is a big treat for her. As I am writing this, she is sleeping on the deck chair, in the sun (that’s all she does anymore). My heart breaks at the thought of putting our cat down. We’ve been able to spend a lot more time with her this year, she loves attention. We’ve moved “meat night” to our house on Saturdays, so she gets plenty of attention and love from our friends.

Traditionally, “meat night” (steak and fish on the grill) has been at Steve and Anna’s for the last 15 plus years, every Friday. This year, it’s been outside, on our deck, due to Covid-19.

I’ve been working on this post on and off for a few months now. It’s Saturday morning, I’m sitting at work waiting for my day to start, looking forward to “meat night” tonight, with our friends. Sadly though, since I last wrote anything, we’ve had to put Lexi down.

That damn cat, was so annoying. She constantly had to be in your lap. Constantly wanted you to pet her, and when you stopped, she’d paw your face. She’d rub her face in my beard all the time, and always slept with me and Day, right inbetween us. She had a habit of pooping in Day’s shoes, which I loved, cause I’d get to say, “if you put your shoes away…” We had two cats, Isis had to be put down a few years ago. They grew up together, and Lexi was never the same after we put Isis down. She was lonely, and wanted constant attention from Day and I. She was, a great cat.

Thursday the vet came to our house. I got out of work early to spend the last few hours on the deck with Lexi, it was Day’s day off, so she was able to spend the day with her. We were on the deck, Lexi was in Day’s lap sleeping when the vet gave her a sedative, and then the final shot, and Lexi was gone.

I buried Lexi along with Isis (who’s ashes have been sitting in my mudroom closet for years) under a butterfly bush in our backyard. So much for being a tough construction worker.

Saturdays are a half day for me at work, and I’m home now, on my deck. I’ve finished prepping for “meat night,” and I felt like I needed to dress up Lexi and Isis’ little grave. I planted two mums, one for each, and mulched it. I filled the bird feeders around it and threw a whole bunch of cracked corn on the ground. There should be plenty of birds, squirrels and chipmunks around there tomorrow. If I was a cat, that’s where I’d want to be buried. Anyhow…

Our “meat night” friends will be here soon. It’s steak and fish on the grill. I made bruschetta with our home grown tomatoes, garlic and basil. For dessert, I’m trying grilled scones and grilled strawberries with a basil and lemon infused whipped cream. Yep, that’s all me baby! I can’t seem to get the steaks right, but I’ve been doing pretty well with the grilled apps. Let me tell you, grilled bacon wrapped onion rings with a sriracha mayonnaise dipping sauce, is pretty damn good. The deck and grill have been awesome additions to our house and backyard. I’ve never been excited about cooking, but now, I kinda like it. I barbecued my first spare ribs, made my own barbecue sauce, I’ve been trying all kinds of apps on the grill, and last night, a grilled dessert.

“Meat night” was a success, as always. For almost 20 years, every Friday, the same seven people have gotten together to grill steak and fish on Steve’s Weber charcoal grill (with the exception of this year. We have a bigger outdoor space for better social distancing). These last 22 years with Day, have gone by in a blink of an eye.

It’s Sunday, Labor Day weekend. Day and I met in 1998, we married 15 years ago. Our anniversary was this past Thursday, the day we put Lexi down, who was part of our lives for 21 years. And this year, I’ve enjoyed our “new” home (which is now 15 years old) more than I ever had. We bought this piece of property 19 or 20 years ago, 4 years later, we tore the old house down and built a brand new one. In an effort to save some money, I told the contractor, I would build the deck myself, and I did, it took 15 years!

Day and I are big on “zero debt” and saving money. So, I built the deck in stages, when we had the money to pay for it. But, if I was staring at a partially finished deck this year, I would have been miserable, not to mention, Day would have shot me. I finished the pergola in April, and we’re out on the deck all the time now. I’m on the deck now, and I’ve seen hummingbirds at least a half a dozen times in the last half hour. In a short while, Day will come home from work and our friends will arrive for “fire and wine.” Another great part of our yard, I’ll show ya…

My outdoor fireplace, it’s a monster. Maybe 10 years ago now, me and a few guys from work built this. It took forever. I collected the rocks from a worksite. I’d load my truck after work, unload it when I came home, and do it again the next day. I have no idea how many truck loads, but that fireplace is, I’m sure, the reason for one of my back surgeries. But, it’s been worth it, I use that thing all the time. Speaking of which, I gotta get ready for “fire and wine.”

It’s Monday afternoon, Labor Day. Day’s working and I’m home by myself. Last night was fun, our friends stayed late, drinking wine and sitting infront of the fire. I have every reason to be happy, Day and I have a wonderful life. Today however, I’m sad. I have terrible mood swings, and bouts of depression that I internalize and tell myself to snap out of. To make it worse, when I can’t just “snap out of it,” I get angry with myself, disappointed and ashamed of myself. It’s a constant struggle. I’ll go to work tomorrow and I’ll be so busy, I won’t have time to think of anything else. I won’t have time to listen to the voices in my head. The work week will slowly come to an end, and the cycle will begin all over again.

I’d like to go to my “happy place,” the lawn outside the Blue Wall Cafe at UMass with Day, “meat night” or “fire and wine” with friends, or, on our deck, with Lexi in my lap, watching the hummingbirds, and then, stop time, “but the world spins madly on” (The Weepies) and I feel like I can’t keep up.

Luv ya,
Curly